Archive | December, 2011

MERRY J-DOG BIRTHDAY!

26 Dec
Gnomie Gonna Getcha!

Look into my eyes.....and fuck off.

The wrath of Gnomie…..what the fuck…I just spilled half of the macaroni from my Kraft Mac n Cheese all up under the fucking stove burner….so now the house is filling with the Christmasy odor of burnt fucking pasta….YAH!!!!

Fuck you, Gnomie!!!!!

CHRISTMAS CHEER!

23 Dec

That is NOT chocolate

This is what I'm giving this year....... to people I like.


It’s about 7 p.m. on 12/22, and I am actually wrapping presents. This is the first time in…well, in ever that I am not doing this drunk off my ass on Christmas Eve…… Now, don’t get me wrong- the only thing different here is the date…. I’m of course well on my way to DOMA……. a little bourbon and Mist, thanks to Portnoy, who was fearless enough to start drinking this clearly effeminate cocktail…… and then was man enough to actually admit it. The voices in my head and I salute you…

Thick, Veiny CHIPS

10 Dec
I rubbed my junk on this particular bag....

So good, I just dipped my pants!

Man, I had no idea of what I was in for when I opted for the chips on sale, as opposed to paying $4 fucking fifty for Lays Wavy….. these thing fucking rock! They’re a softer, kinder, and more gentle potato chip…perfect for curling up on the couch naked and watching a Republican Debate!

Oh Christmas Tree!

4 Dec

I love this time of year…household lighting is changed to red and green…nice. Constant drunkenness is not only accepted but actually encouraged! GOOD TIMES!!!!

O Christmas Tree! How I cannot focus

I’m Tired…

3 Dec

…but you are an asshole, and that’s a trade I’ll make every day of the fucking week. So fuck off, and fuck you, and enjoy that big old fucking shit sandwich your mother’s got waiting for you… as she stands there, tottering at the top of the basement stairs…your “studio apartment” below….God, what a piece of shit you are……..living off your parents hard work……sucking the life from them, after they gave their all to give you yours…fucking ingrate….I fucking hate you….Occupy the sweaty space between my thigh and my nutsack, you lazy fucking bum. Go fuck yourself.

The Ghost of Get a Fucking Job, Asshole.......